Right Ab, Stresses and 1km Swim

11 days since I last posted. On the Sunday after the last gym session, the weather was awful and I didn't want to be stuck inside doing nothing all day. So, I thought I'd try a swim. It wasn't the best decision. The right abdominal muscle strain was already aggravated and I'd mildly strained my right shoulder (front deltoid and mid back muscle, next to the scapular)....not surprisingly, those injuries didn't like the extra effort. I swam 24 lengths with a view to doing another 40 on the Tuesday thus swimming a mile over the course of the week. It sounded like a great plan but didn't happen. I had to take the whole of last week off rehab work to allow things to heal up.

Last week was also one filled with stress (due to trying to figure out the new benefits system and where I had been placed within it). I won't go into details but suffice to say I didn't get a lot of sleep and was terrified I'd be back on high doses of antidepressants and sleeping tablets etc etc with a severe relapse to follow. Thankfully, I finally worked out I wasn't going to be destitute and the stress subsided. However, it seemed to result in a return of numerous muscular aches and pains so I was back to taking painkillers to be able to try to get some sleep.

Ok....a new week this week and I was back at the pool today. Again, I'm not sure it was the most sensible idea but it is very hard to keep not doing things. I swam 40 lengths (1km). In terms of energy, it felt fine. In terms of muscular aches/pains/strains, it really wasn't good. I've had an ongoing problem with a crick in the right of my neck (for 5 weeks or so) and once I got swimming my neck really seemed to start hurting. The right shoulder was twingey; the right abs were twingey; the right upper thigh/groin was twingey....and so it goes on. It would probably be easier to list what didn't hurt! When I came to walking out of the changing room, putting weight through my right hip was very painful. It hurt all around the top of my leg, which it's never done before.

It's so frustrating. I feel like I have the energy to do these things but my muscles etc just don't seem to cope. I am so fed up with holding back, never being able to give myself the freedom to just do these things and "go for it". Always at the back of my mind is a concern about which muscle I'll injure this time or whether I'm putting too much stress on existing weaknesses. It drives me absolutely nuts. Basically, I am constantly disempowering myself, if that is even a word. I can never just embrace my strength and exert it. I am always holding back. One of these days, I want to run flat out, I want to swim full pelt, I want to push to my limits and feel my own strength.

....I won't make it to the gym this Friday due to visiting family. It's probably a good thing.