Final Blog Post…I think!

After 5 years, it seems like the right time to bring this blog to a close. It’s been a useful companion and, at times, it’s given me hope that at least one person might be cheering me on from the sidelines as they read about my endeavours.

This year has seen my concentrated physical rehab efforts slowly diverted into new avenues. The first 4 months of the year were hampered by a chronic right cricked neck, which just would not resolve. I stuck to the swimming, avoided the gym and eventually got some private physio and massage. It did finally settle down through May and June, so that I was able to restart the gym work. Over the summer, I had another inner ear episode and developed a mild low frequency hearing loss in my left ear. However, I kept up the swimming and gym work. The local orthopaedic consultant informed me that he hadn’t got a clue what was wrong with my chronically painful right hip and had no (useful) suggestions that might help or offers of further investigations. That meant I had to once again find my own solutions and Pilates seemed like a good idea. I hoped it might also help with my chronically restricted/painful left shoulder (which had also been written off by the NHS [aka No Help Sorry]).

Mid August, I started a weekly equipment Pilates class. I found that I couldn’t manage the gym work as well and, since a more severe inner ear episode in early October, I’ve not had the energy/opportunity to get to the pool. However, I do want to keep up the swimming alongside the Pilates and have every intention of making that happen.

At the end of September, I started one afternoon (2hrs) a week of voluntary work at a charity, which manages local land and wildlife. I am hoping this new opportunity will add another element of rehabilitation, giving me a chance to be with people, contribute and feel useful.

As we head towards December and the end of the year, I suppose I should reflect on what progress has been made in the past 5 years. To be brutally honest, I feel as though I’ve gained only about 20% of the rewards due for my efforts. I don’t feel big and strong and athletic. I still can’t run (or even walk!) without bad right hip pain. I still can’t do a standard press-up. I still get tired pretty easily. In theory, I should have put on a lot of muscle and I should have gained a great deal of cardiovascular fitness. I haven’t enjoyed either of those to anywhere near the degree I would have liked. But, my quality of life has improved. I don’t have to guard my resources like my existence depended on it, literally. There is a degree of flexibility in my life now, which I couldn’t accommodate before because doing so would wipe me out for weeks at a time. I can go out for a walk and if something else comes up later in the day, I will likely have the energy to do it. That wouldn’t have happened 5 years ago.

Perhaps it’s all about perspective. Take your average, fit, healthy person and put them through the physical rehab I’ve done and they’d excel. But, I wasn’t your average, fit, healthy person. I was, as the title says, severely deconditioned, and possess a nervous system recovering from complex PTSD. I couldn’t hang up washing or lean over to clean my teeth without pulling a muscle! Nearly every physical exertion ended up in injury. So, I guess the past 5 years have been about regaining ground I lost in the previous 8 years. And, the job isn’t finished yet. I suppose that if I continue being relatively active, my soft tissue biology will continue to adapt and improve and progress towards fitness. My frazzled nervous system too will hopefully find peace. So, one day, in the not too distant future, I may well feel much more like that big, strong, athletic person I want to be. Who knows....I reckon there’s always hope. If a British man can win Wimbledon (my man Andy!), then anything is possible (thanks Andy for being a genuine inspiration).

Finally, a big thank you to anyone who read this blog and was cheering me on from the sidelines. Who knows what the future holds but let’s hope it is continued improvement.

Au revoir!

P.S. I couldn’t bring myself to entitle this entry “Final Blog Post” - I had to leave the door open....just in case :-)

FIVE YEARS & Meniere's

Last week, I hit the 5 year anniversary since starting this physical rehab. It is somewhat ironic that I've not done anything very much for 12 days due to a flare up of the Meniere's.

I will do a proper recap of the last year and take a look at the rehab side of things but, at the moment, my head is somewhat incapacitated by the Meniere's.

So, I saw the ENT guy a couple of weeks ago, on the Monday. He did a load of tests, including waggling my head around trying to provoke dysfunction in the inner ear. Monday evening, I had Pilates. Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling unusually exhausted after Pilates but went swimming anyway. I pushed myself to do just 30 lengths (instead of 50) and then called it a day. I was exhausted through the afternoon, had a thumping headache and generally felt utter drained. Wednesday was much the same, characterised by this thumping headache, including bad scalp tenderness/pain around the back/sides of my head.

Went to bed on Wednesday night and discovered that my tinnitus had gotten a whole lot worse. It raged on all through the night and I didn't sleep well. Thursday, I woke up and my ears had that all too familiar full/blocked sensation, my hearing seemed worse, the tinnitus remained at a high volume and the hyperacusis (hypersensitivity to certain frequencies) was worse too. All the symptoms, including the thumping headache, exhaustion and pour sleep, continued over the weekend and into the start of this week. I decided not to go to Pilates on Monday.

Tuesday morning, I got up with the worst vertigo I've had. For 3 hours, it felt like my head was being thrown around on the surface of a squally ocean, interspersed with acute, momentary episodes, every time I moved my eyes or head, where it felt like my eyes were rolodexing (spinning) in their sockets! Needless to say, I got to the GP and got some medication (which, incidentally, doesn't seem to be having any kind of effect).

So....varying degrees of vertigo are still ongoing. Tuesday through to Thursday were the worst. I just felt dreadful and the headache got to the point where I was lying in bed on Wednesday night wondering if I was going to have to get to an A&E for painkillers or something. Anyway, on Friday afternoon, I felt some improvement (having also finally had my first decent night's sleep in 10 days on Thursday night). Yesterday, the vertigo was again worse in the morning but I felt an improvement by about 6pm. I'm not sure yet today how I feel although it's not great.

I'm guessing this was all triggered by the ENT guy thoroughly irritating the inner ear systems. I shall tell him next time I see him!!

I also rang the hospital last week and said I'd changed my mind about wanting a hearing therapist referral. Apparently, hearing aids can help not only with the hearing loss but with the hyperacusis and tinnitus. We shall see....

It'll be another quiet day today, I think.

Rehab Concentration Dropped Off & Meniere's Diagnosis

Since my last update, I've done a couple of equipment Pilates classes and a swim. My focus on the physical rehab has dropped off a little and I'm exploring other things, like some local voluntary work. I guess I've realised that flogging my guts out in the gym, week after week, isn't really getting the returns. I'm hoping the Pilates and swimming will keep up progress but allow me to do other things besides recovering from exhaustion! We'll see...

I've also had my appointment with the consultant ENT chap at the hospital. I had a hearing test and various other balance/co-ordination-type tests. The outcome is that I do have a permanent low frequency hearing loss in my left ear, due to Meniere's or Meniere's-type disease (the consultant said we'll never know which). We discussed the idea of getting a hearing aid but, for the moment, I am coping just fine without and don't feel the need to go down that route yet. If my situation changes or the loss gets worse, I can reconsider. Everything will be checked again in 6 months time anyway, so I can reassess then, if needs be. All in all, the consultant was extremely helpful and informative. I was also pleased to hear that adding in work on the balance board at the gym had likely resulted in a good recovery/adaption of my balance system of after each Meniere's attack i.e. I'd done the vestibular rehab necessary.

I can't believe we're already into October. It's nearly 5 years since I started this rehab thing, but I'll reflect on that next week.

Catch Up! Pilates & Hip

I can't believe it's a month since I last updated this blog!

Since last posting, I've had 4 more equipment Pilates sessions and a taster mat session yesterday. Overall, the Pilates has been a real revelation and I'm hoping it's going to take me further forward now with the rehab. The focus has shifted from general conditioning and strengthening to now recruiting the right muscles, at the right time, for the right job. It requires more brain engagement and co-ordination and feels extremely beneficial. My restricted, painful left shoulder is a hindrance at times, because I can't get into the various positions, but otherwise, I'm coping well.

In terms of how challenging the Pilates feels, it depends on the session. Sometimes, I come away and feel like I've barely done anything, which can feel frustrating and disappointing. Other times, I feel as though I've been put through my paces. It's a different sort of mindset to the gym work. At the gym, I liked to feel like I'd raised my heart rate and pushed myself to the limits on the weights but with Pilates, it's more about controlled breathing and controlled movements that aren't necessarily testing a muscle to its limits.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw the consultant orthopaedic person about getting my right hip MRI'd. I was in and out in 5 minutes. His verdict: he didn't know what was wrong with it and therefore couldn't MRI it because they wouldn't know what they were looking for! He suggested that I avoid aggravating it (which would entail lying flat and not moving!) and wait for it to "get better". After managing this for 5 years, I was, well, disappointed but not surprised. The NHS really don't seem to want to help me. My issues seem to be too complex and don't fall into the "torn tendon" and "pulled muscle" category. So, that was that. This week, I've taken painkillers every night to be able to sleep with the right groin/butt pain.

My right inside knee strain/pain is still around and I've tried to be careful when swimming. I took a week off, which did help, but I probably should have taken two. To cut back the amount of breast stroke I do, I have started to swim a bit of front crawl, breathing to the left (because I can't breathe to the right due to the restricted left shoulder). I don't really like doing a lop-sided stroke (you should really breathe to each side on front crawl otherwise you develop an uneven muscle system) but it's saving my right knee at the moment.

This week, I have felt wiped out. No idea why really. Hormones, maybe. Who knows. But I've felt drained, headachy and not wanted to do anything other than the rehab stuff. I've received the latest ATOS assessment forms to fill in....again. It feels like only yesterday when I last did them!

At the beginning of October, I have an appointment with the ENT specialist to sort out my ears. I've not regained the hearing in my left ear and we need to find out why.

That'll do for today's update...

First Pilates Class, Swim, Gym & Knee

Back from my hols last Sunday and I was straight into the rehab again with my first Pilates class on the Monday. I didn't really know what to expect but came away from the session feeling like I'd had a good workout, I'd stretched and challenged all the right muscles and I am hopeful it's the way to go in terms of continued improvement. All in all, I was very pleased.

Tuesday, I hit the pool. My quads were definitely tired from the Pilates, and it was pretty hard going, but I clocked up 58 lengths (1450 metres). The only problem was that the right inner knee pain was a lot worse on the breaststroke leg kick. I was probably silly to keep going and have been nursing it ever since (icing, resting and wearing a knee support for longer walks). It's been most painful when turning over in bed which induces a twisting motion in the knee. I have a feeling I'm going to have to stop doing breaststroke for a few weeks. I'm guessing it's a bio-mechanical issue still - the hip, knee and ankle have all had problems. The ankle seems to have resolved now. The hip and knee haven't.

Wednesday, I felt surprisingly fresh and strong. I was proper pleased! Had a good walk in the morning and a chilled afternoon. Thursday, I think I was a little more tired but ok.

Today, back at the gym. A light session. 15 mins bike; glute bridges; hip adduction/extension (8kg 3 x 12 reps); throwing 6kg weight ball at basket ball disk; and a few other minor weights targeting arms/shoulders. Just wanted to keep everything ticking over.

Got my ears tested again this afternoon to see if the left ear had unblocked over the last 3 weeks. Unfortunately, no real improvement. Reverse slope hearing loss still present so it's a case of getting a GP referral to an ENT specialist, I guess. Hopefully, the ear can be sorted out eventually.

Lighter Rehab Week & Ears Still Blocked

Winding down this week before heading off for a week's holiday tomorrow. Tuesday's shorter swim wasn't deliberate though. I had asked the, previous week, when would be the best time to come for the lane swimming once the holidays started. I was told 10am. Turned up at 10am and the lanes were just finishing! I persevered for half an hour in the pool, dodging children, families, floatation devices and so on but once I'd reached 32 lengths (0.5 miles) I called it a day. It was way too much hassle.

Today's gym session was fairly light. I didn't want to wear myself out for my holiday! Plus, I was feeling rather weak and feeble due to hormones anyway.

My left ear is still badly blocked but I can now hear fluid moving around inside it when lying down, which I think is a good sign. Up until now, I've not had that sensation. I'm hoping this means the ear will unblock itself gradually over the coming days.

Other than that, it's been a good 7 days for my right hip. No right butt/groin/upper thigh pain at all?! Long may it last.

Hearing Test Results Update (False Alarm!)

Ok, so I've had the weekend to digest the news that I may need hearing aids....

I went into Boots this afternoon to get a copy of my hearing test results to take to my GP in a couple of weeks. Back home, I hit Google and spent a bit of time working out exactly what the results mean. To say I was shocked is an understatement. As far as I can tell, my hearing is actually fine, it's just that the left ear is badly blocked. From everything I've read, if the bone conduction tests are normal (which mine are) but the air-conduction tests show a loss then the problem is not the critical sensory organs of the ear but a simple case of sound waves not getting through to those organs. Plain as day! I cannot believe the audiologist didn't tell me this?! I even asked him out right if the loss could be caused by a blockage that would eventually clear. He said no. Crazy! Surely he must have known I'd check with my GP at least before ordering expensive hearing aids?!

Anyway, it seems the 3 days of getting my head around all this were unnecessary. I just need to get to my GP to get my ear unblocked. Simple as that. I'll wait until after my holiday - who knows, it might unblock itself over the next 10 days or so. Thank goodness for Google is all I can say!