Final Blog Post…I think!

After 5 years, it seems like the right time to bring this blog to a close. It’s been a useful companion and, at times, it’s given me hope that at least one person might be cheering me on from the sidelines as they read about my endeavours.

This year has seen my concentrated physical rehab efforts slowly diverted into new avenues. The first 4 months of the year were hampered by a chronic right cricked neck, which just would not resolve. I stuck to the swimming, avoided the gym and eventually got some private physio and massage. It did finally settle down through May and June, so that I was able to restart the gym work. Over the summer, I had another inner ear episode and developed a mild low frequency hearing loss in my left ear. However, I kept up the swimming and gym work. The local orthopaedic consultant informed me that he hadn’t got a clue what was wrong with my chronically painful right hip and had no (useful) suggestions that might help or offers of further investigations. That meant I had to once again find my own solutions and Pilates seemed like a good idea. I hoped it might also help with my chronically restricted/painful left shoulder (which had also been written off by the NHS [aka No Help Sorry]).

Mid August, I started a weekly equipment Pilates class. I found that I couldn’t manage the gym work as well and, since a more severe inner ear episode in early October, I’ve not had the energy/opportunity to get to the pool. However, I do want to keep up the swimming alongside the Pilates and have every intention of making that happen.

At the end of September, I started one afternoon (2hrs) a week of voluntary work at a charity, which manages local land and wildlife. I am hoping this new opportunity will add another element of rehabilitation, giving me a chance to be with people, contribute and feel useful.

As we head towards December and the end of the year, I suppose I should reflect on what progress has been made in the past 5 years. To be brutally honest, I feel as though I’ve gained only about 20% of the rewards due for my efforts. I don’t feel big and strong and athletic. I still can’t run (or even walk!) without bad right hip pain. I still can’t do a standard press-up. I still get tired pretty easily. In theory, I should have put on a lot of muscle and I should have gained a great deal of cardiovascular fitness. I haven’t enjoyed either of those to anywhere near the degree I would have liked. But, my quality of life has improved. I don’t have to guard my resources like my existence depended on it, literally. There is a degree of flexibility in my life now, which I couldn’t accommodate before because doing so would wipe me out for weeks at a time. I can go out for a walk and if something else comes up later in the day, I will likely have the energy to do it. That wouldn’t have happened 5 years ago.

Perhaps it’s all about perspective. Take your average, fit, healthy person and put them through the physical rehab I’ve done and they’d excel. But, I wasn’t your average, fit, healthy person. I was, as the title says, severely deconditioned, and possess a nervous system recovering from complex PTSD. I couldn’t hang up washing or lean over to clean my teeth without pulling a muscle! Nearly every physical exertion ended up in injury. So, I guess the past 5 years have been about regaining ground I lost in the previous 8 years. And, the job isn’t finished yet. I suppose that if I continue being relatively active, my soft tissue biology will continue to adapt and improve and progress towards fitness. My frazzled nervous system too will hopefully find peace. So, one day, in the not too distant future, I may well feel much more like that big, strong, athletic person I want to be. Who knows....I reckon there’s always hope. If a British man can win Wimbledon (my man Andy!), then anything is possible (thanks Andy for being a genuine inspiration).

Finally, a big thank you to anyone who read this blog and was cheering me on from the sidelines. Who knows what the future holds but let’s hope it is continued improvement.

Au revoir!

P.S. I couldn’t bring myself to entitle this entry “Final Blog Post” - I had to leave the door open....just in case :-)

FIVE YEARS & Meniere's

Last week, I hit the 5 year anniversary since starting this physical rehab. It is somewhat ironic that I've not done anything very much for 12 days due to a flare up of the Meniere's.

I will do a proper recap of the last year and take a look at the rehab side of things but, at the moment, my head is somewhat incapacitated by the Meniere's.

So, I saw the ENT guy a couple of weeks ago, on the Monday. He did a load of tests, including waggling my head around trying to provoke dysfunction in the inner ear. Monday evening, I had Pilates. Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling unusually exhausted after Pilates but went swimming anyway. I pushed myself to do just 30 lengths (instead of 50) and then called it a day. I was exhausted through the afternoon, had a thumping headache and generally felt utter drained. Wednesday was much the same, characterised by this thumping headache, including bad scalp tenderness/pain around the back/sides of my head.

Went to bed on Wednesday night and discovered that my tinnitus had gotten a whole lot worse. It raged on all through the night and I didn't sleep well. Thursday, I woke up and my ears had that all too familiar full/blocked sensation, my hearing seemed worse, the tinnitus remained at a high volume and the hyperacusis (hypersensitivity to certain frequencies) was worse too. All the symptoms, including the thumping headache, exhaustion and pour sleep, continued over the weekend and into the start of this week. I decided not to go to Pilates on Monday.

Tuesday morning, I got up with the worst vertigo I've had. For 3 hours, it felt like my head was being thrown around on the surface of a squally ocean, interspersed with acute, momentary episodes, every time I moved my eyes or head, where it felt like my eyes were rolodexing (spinning) in their sockets! Needless to say, I got to the GP and got some medication (which, incidentally, doesn't seem to be having any kind of effect).

So....varying degrees of vertigo are still ongoing. Tuesday through to Thursday were the worst. I just felt dreadful and the headache got to the point where I was lying in bed on Wednesday night wondering if I was going to have to get to an A&E for painkillers or something. Anyway, on Friday afternoon, I felt some improvement (having also finally had my first decent night's sleep in 10 days on Thursday night). Yesterday, the vertigo was again worse in the morning but I felt an improvement by about 6pm. I'm not sure yet today how I feel although it's not great.

I'm guessing this was all triggered by the ENT guy thoroughly irritating the inner ear systems. I shall tell him next time I see him!!

I also rang the hospital last week and said I'd changed my mind about wanting a hearing therapist referral. Apparently, hearing aids can help not only with the hearing loss but with the hyperacusis and tinnitus. We shall see....

It'll be another quiet day today, I think.

Rehab Concentration Dropped Off & Meniere's Diagnosis

Since my last update, I've done a couple of equipment Pilates classes and a swim. My focus on the physical rehab has dropped off a little and I'm exploring other things, like some local voluntary work. I guess I've realised that flogging my guts out in the gym, week after week, isn't really getting the returns. I'm hoping the Pilates and swimming will keep up progress but allow me to do other things besides recovering from exhaustion! We'll see...

I've also had my appointment with the consultant ENT chap at the hospital. I had a hearing test and various other balance/co-ordination-type tests. The outcome is that I do have a permanent low frequency hearing loss in my left ear, due to Meniere's or Meniere's-type disease (the consultant said we'll never know which). We discussed the idea of getting a hearing aid but, for the moment, I am coping just fine without and don't feel the need to go down that route yet. If my situation changes or the loss gets worse, I can reconsider. Everything will be checked again in 6 months time anyway, so I can reassess then, if needs be. All in all, the consultant was extremely helpful and informative. I was also pleased to hear that adding in work on the balance board at the gym had likely resulted in a good recovery/adaption of my balance system of after each Meniere's attack i.e. I'd done the vestibular rehab necessary.

I can't believe we're already into October. It's nearly 5 years since I started this rehab thing, but I'll reflect on that next week.

Catch Up! Pilates & Hip

I can't believe it's a month since I last updated this blog!

Since last posting, I've had 4 more equipment Pilates sessions and a taster mat session yesterday. Overall, the Pilates has been a real revelation and I'm hoping it's going to take me further forward now with the rehab. The focus has shifted from general conditioning and strengthening to now recruiting the right muscles, at the right time, for the right job. It requires more brain engagement and co-ordination and feels extremely beneficial. My restricted, painful left shoulder is a hindrance at times, because I can't get into the various positions, but otherwise, I'm coping well.

In terms of how challenging the Pilates feels, it depends on the session. Sometimes, I come away and feel like I've barely done anything, which can feel frustrating and disappointing. Other times, I feel as though I've been put through my paces. It's a different sort of mindset to the gym work. At the gym, I liked to feel like I'd raised my heart rate and pushed myself to the limits on the weights but with Pilates, it's more about controlled breathing and controlled movements that aren't necessarily testing a muscle to its limits.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw the consultant orthopaedic person about getting my right hip MRI'd. I was in and out in 5 minutes. His verdict: he didn't know what was wrong with it and therefore couldn't MRI it because they wouldn't know what they were looking for! He suggested that I avoid aggravating it (which would entail lying flat and not moving!) and wait for it to "get better". After managing this for 5 years, I was, well, disappointed but not surprised. The NHS really don't seem to want to help me. My issues seem to be too complex and don't fall into the "torn tendon" and "pulled muscle" category. So, that was that. This week, I've taken painkillers every night to be able to sleep with the right groin/butt pain.

My right inside knee strain/pain is still around and I've tried to be careful when swimming. I took a week off, which did help, but I probably should have taken two. To cut back the amount of breast stroke I do, I have started to swim a bit of front crawl, breathing to the left (because I can't breathe to the right due to the restricted left shoulder). I don't really like doing a lop-sided stroke (you should really breathe to each side on front crawl otherwise you develop an uneven muscle system) but it's saving my right knee at the moment.

This week, I have felt wiped out. No idea why really. Hormones, maybe. Who knows. But I've felt drained, headachy and not wanted to do anything other than the rehab stuff. I've received the latest ATOS assessment forms to fill in....again. It feels like only yesterday when I last did them!

At the beginning of October, I have an appointment with the ENT specialist to sort out my ears. I've not regained the hearing in my left ear and we need to find out why.

That'll do for today's update...

First Pilates Class, Swim, Gym & Knee

Back from my hols last Sunday and I was straight into the rehab again with my first Pilates class on the Monday. I didn't really know what to expect but came away from the session feeling like I'd had a good workout, I'd stretched and challenged all the right muscles and I am hopeful it's the way to go in terms of continued improvement. All in all, I was very pleased.

Tuesday, I hit the pool. My quads were definitely tired from the Pilates, and it was pretty hard going, but I clocked up 58 lengths (1450 metres). The only problem was that the right inner knee pain was a lot worse on the breaststroke leg kick. I was probably silly to keep going and have been nursing it ever since (icing, resting and wearing a knee support for longer walks). It's been most painful when turning over in bed which induces a twisting motion in the knee. I have a feeling I'm going to have to stop doing breaststroke for a few weeks. I'm guessing it's a bio-mechanical issue still - the hip, knee and ankle have all had problems. The ankle seems to have resolved now. The hip and knee haven't.

Wednesday, I felt surprisingly fresh and strong. I was proper pleased! Had a good walk in the morning and a chilled afternoon. Thursday, I think I was a little more tired but ok.

Today, back at the gym. A light session. 15 mins bike; glute bridges; hip adduction/extension (8kg 3 x 12 reps); throwing 6kg weight ball at basket ball disk; and a few other minor weights targeting arms/shoulders. Just wanted to keep everything ticking over.

Got my ears tested again this afternoon to see if the left ear had unblocked over the last 3 weeks. Unfortunately, no real improvement. Reverse slope hearing loss still present so it's a case of getting a GP referral to an ENT specialist, I guess. Hopefully, the ear can be sorted out eventually.

Lighter Rehab Week & Ears Still Blocked

Winding down this week before heading off for a week's holiday tomorrow. Tuesday's shorter swim wasn't deliberate though. I had asked the, previous week, when would be the best time to come for the lane swimming once the holidays started. I was told 10am. Turned up at 10am and the lanes were just finishing! I persevered for half an hour in the pool, dodging children, families, floatation devices and so on but once I'd reached 32 lengths (0.5 miles) I called it a day. It was way too much hassle.

Today's gym session was fairly light. I didn't want to wear myself out for my holiday! Plus, I was feeling rather weak and feeble due to hormones anyway.

My left ear is still badly blocked but I can now hear fluid moving around inside it when lying down, which I think is a good sign. Up until now, I've not had that sensation. I'm hoping this means the ear will unblock itself gradually over the coming days.

Other than that, it's been a good 7 days for my right hip. No right butt/groin/upper thigh pain at all?! Long may it last.

Hearing Test Results Update (False Alarm!)

Ok, so I've had the weekend to digest the news that I may need hearing aids....

I went into Boots this afternoon to get a copy of my hearing test results to take to my GP in a couple of weeks. Back home, I hit Google and spent a bit of time working out exactly what the results mean. To say I was shocked is an understatement. As far as I can tell, my hearing is actually fine, it's just that the left ear is badly blocked. From everything I've read, if the bone conduction tests are normal (which mine are) but the air-conduction tests show a loss then the problem is not the critical sensory organs of the ear but a simple case of sound waves not getting through to those organs. Plain as day! I cannot believe the audiologist didn't tell me this?! I even asked him out right if the loss could be caused by a blockage that would eventually clear. He said no. Crazy! Surely he must have known I'd check with my GP at least before ordering expensive hearing aids?!

Anyway, it seems the 3 days of getting my head around all this were unnecessary. I just need to get to my GP to get my ear unblocked. Simple as that. I'll wait until after my holiday - who knows, it might unblock itself over the next 10 days or so. Thank goodness for Google is all I can say!

Pilates, Swim and Hearing Test

A quick update on this week's rehab. Generally, I've not felt quite so full of beans this week, probably due to hormones. Plus, the distorted, unpleasant hearing problems have persisted. However, I did enjoy a good swim at the pool on Tuesday. Swam 60 lengths (1500 metres, just short of the 1 mile mark). It felt good and I didn't really have any big muscle cramps. Just a few minor right foot cramps which I was able to manage.

Then, on Wednesday, I went for my first ever introduction to Pilates (1hr). It was a good experience and I think it's going to challenge me where I need to be challenged. 

Thursday was a fairly quiet day and then I was back at the gym this morning. I was feeling quite weak and feeble today but basically did the same gym set as last week.

This afternoon, I went for a hearing test. I decided last week that I needed to know a bit more about Meniere's and get an idea of how my hearing was being affected. I just wanted to understand what was happening a bit better, really.

Firstly, the audiologist was very surprised that my GP hadn't sent me to a specialist. Secondly, I found out that there is medication you can take at the start of a vertigo attack which prevents any further symptoms developing. This latter point is really important because every Meniere's attack results in some damage to the hearing structures. If you can limit the attacks, you prevent the damage.

Finally, I had the hearing test. It seems I have a fairly significant low frequency loss in my left ear and also a minor loss in my right ear. The loss, and imbalance in the loss, is what's causing the hypersensitivity to particular high frequency sounds and also making noisy environments extremely difficult to be in. The audiologist recommended that I should at least have a hearing aid for my left ear and ideally have a pair so that the ears can be properly balanced.

I have to say that hearing aids hadn't even occurred to me. I think I was still thinking that my hearing would recover. I said as much to the audiologist.... Unfortunately, apparently this is what happens with Meniere's - deterioration in hearing with each attack, which is why managing it is so important.

....so....I'm a bit in shock really. I am also still hoping that, given another couple of weeks, my hearing might recover. We'll see. I have a holiday planned for the first week in August so I shall take action when I get back from that. Either my hearing will have improved and I'll be able to live with it. Or, hearing aids will be my next step (now that's not something I thought I'd be saying before I reached the age of 40!).

...I am a bit angry that my GP didn't suggest a referral to a specialist, especially as managing this condition is key to preventing permanent hearing losses.

....feeling pretty tired this evening, trying to take it all in.

Ménière's Diagnosis, Good Walks & The Usual

The inner ear problems persist (now 3 weeks). It's still my hearing which is worst affected and predominantly on the left side. Sound is distorted, tinny and resonating, with a loss of low frequency hearing, and background ringing (tinnitus). The right ear seems only mildly affected. I decided to visit the GP this week and she confirmed that it's probably Ménière's Disease (Link). That seems to be just a fancy way of saying recurring inner ear problems with no known cause or cure. Anyway, I'll give it another 2 weeks and if my hearing hasn't improved, I'll head to Boots and get a hearing test done.

I am thoroughly enjoying this hot, sunny weather (although the muggy nights aren't so pleasant). I got out for a couple of really nice walks over the weekend, making the most of the mornings and then taking refuge inside through the hottest part of the day. I'd be out/walking for about a couple of hours, the only issue really being my right hip. That hurt for the majority of the walk (getting worse the longer I went on).

Tuesday, I did my usual swim. 54 lengths (1350km). I would have gone on but got sudden, rigid cramp in my left foot on length 55 and that put a stop to everything. Generally, it didn't feel like an easy swim. I couldn't seem to get into a rhythm and felt hassled by another swimmer intent on ignoring everyone else's needs. I have been trying to introduce front crawl and, this week, every 10th length was front crawl, breathing to the left (can't breath to the right because I don't have the range of motion necessary in my left shoulder).

My energy levels felt good after the swim, on Wednesday and Thursday. Back at the gym today. I've decided to stop the running again. It doesn't do my right hip any good - I've been taking painkillers more regularly at night for essentially right pudendal nerve pain since reintroducing it.

Today's Gym Set:

• 15 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 7 (10 mins), level 8 (5 mins))
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold. 
• Single leg glute bridges 10 reps, 5 secs hold
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 12 reps, 8kg 10 reps.
• Seated rows 8 kg 12 reps, 10 kg 10 reps (continuing gentle re-introduction after right ab strain). Vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Trunk twist using cable weights 3.7kg 10 reps, 5.4kg 10 reps (gentle re-intro after right ab strain)
• Rope pulsing 4 sets to exhaustion.
• Basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball at a target from standing position) 5kg 3 x 15 reps, 2 x 20 reps; 6kg 2 x 15 reps (increased weight as it felt easier and seems to be helping upper body strength).
• Overhead basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball, from above my head, at a target) 3kg 3x10 reps 
• Wobble board rotation right/left (re-introduced for inner ear rehab).

This afternoon, I have the usual right butt (pudendal nerve) discomfort and feel a little tired. Hormones are kicking in again too - bad stomach cramps today.

Ears, 1 Mile Swim & 2km Run/Walk

My inner ear condition is still just as bad. The worst area affected is my hearing, especially in my left ear. Noises sound tinny, out of tune and as though the notes have separated, often causing a ringing sensation. At times, people speaking sound as though they are communicating through a snorkel, producing a burbling, distorted hearing experience. Overall, my hearing is hypersensitive but with the sensation of blocked ears. Nerves in my ears feel raw - any sound has the same sensation as someone scraping fingernails down a blackboard. Basically, the only time it doesn't feel like my nerves are being shredded is when there's silence.

Since Tuesday, I've had brief episodes of mild vertigo but nothing too incapacitating.

So, 2 weeks of this so far. I've made an appointment with the docs for next Tuesday although I doubt there's anything anyone can do. Still, it's worth letting them know this is the 4th recurrence in 2.5 years.

I had a good swim on Tuesday. The pool was pretty empty which always helps. I pushed through to do 64 lengths (1 mile) in just under an hour, which is only the second time I've managed to swim that far. The last 10 lengths were hard going and I was managing various cramping muscles, a sore right wrist and sore right ankle. Afterwards, I felt the most relaxed and relieved I've felt in a couple of weeks. Swimming really does help to reduce my general anxiety levels.

Wednesday and Thursday were quiet days. I think the symptoms of the inner ear condition are quite tiring to my brain so I've been sleeping pretty well this week without needing to do too much during the day. In fact, yesterday, I really just wanted to sit still, inside, without any TV/noise and just let my ears/head rest.

Today, I was back at the gym. I wanted to have another go at the 2km run/walk to see how my right hip is doing. I really enjoy the chance to run but the hip isn't any better. After just 1 minute of running, the leg goes pretty numb and coordinating my right ankle/foot feels awkward. My hip is obviously banging against a nerve somewhere and the biomechanics aren't quite right. I had some pain in the right butt and right upper/inner thigh, inner knee and outer ankle.

The rest of today's gym set:

• 10 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 7 - legs felt tired so reduced level from 8 to 7)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold. 
• Single leg glute bridges 10 reps, 5 secs hold
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 12 reps, 8kg 10 reps.
• Seated rows 8 kg 10 reps (gentle re-introduction after right ab strain). Vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• 2km run/walk treadmill (walk 90 secs, 6.5 km/hr; run 2min, 9.5 km/hr) in 14:30 mins 
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Trunk twist using cable weights 5.4kg 10 reps (gentle re-intro after right ab strain)
• Rope pulsing 4 sets to exhaustion.
• Basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball at a target from standing position) 5kg 4 x 15 reps
• Overhead basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball, from above my head, at a target) 3kg 3x10 reps 
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 10 reps

Overall, I was trying to avoid causing any lower back or abdominal strains. I just wanted a "clean" session.

I am now looking into starting Pilates. From what I understand, the body is basically made up of long and short muscles. The long muscles (like biceps, quads etc) are involved in movement, whilst the short muscles (like those found within the core, around the spine, through the hip joints etc) are involved in stabilisation. During the first 6 months of my rehab, all of my daily physiotherapy exercises were based around Pilates and addressed small muscle weakness. However, given that I keep re-injuring muscles in my abdomen and lower back and that my hip still isn't right, I am thinking I need to revisit the small muscle strengthening. 

I've now been doing my weekly gym session for 2.5 years so I may drop that for 6 months or so in favour of a Pilates class. I'll see....

Andy Triumphs!

I've been an Andy Murray fan from the very beginning. I've followed his gruelling hard work and determination over the years. I've seen his ups and downs in the press and hoped that one day he would show everyone exactly what he's made of. Last year, he blew me away with the Olympics' win and then, today, from the very start of the match, you could see he wasn't going to let this one slip away. He was there to win it. He was there to end the 77 year wait! And, boy, did he do it in style! His serve has been extremely impressive this tournament and he balanced aggression and patience perfectly. How on earth he runs down every last ball and, time and time again, manages to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat is beyond me. What strength and focus. Hats off to you Andy. You deserved this win and, if a British man can win Wimbledon, who knows what's possible in this life....! A real inspiration. Thanks for putting your heart and soul into it, Andy. Loved every minute.

[photo from dailymail online here]

Ab, Ears and Hip & C'mon Andy!

The right abdominal strain is still niggling away so I have tried to reduce the stress on it. Tuesday 25th June, I only did 40 lengths (1km) in the pool and then, last week, I missed it all together. Friday 28th June, was a modified gym session. I thought I'd test out my right hip with a run/walk on the treadmill. I did 2km in 15:45 mins. Unfortunately, no significant improvement in the hip and I took painkillers before sleep for it.

I woke up on Saturday morning, a week ago, with very blocked ears and hypersensitive hearing. Thankfully, no real vertigo symptoms this time (yet). So, I guess it's another inner ear infection/issue. Symptoms are still ongoing and worsened yesterday. I don't feel 'ill', it's just very unpleasant and makes talking and being exposed to any noise rather 'painful'. It feels like the nerves in my ears are raw so the sensation is a bit like hearing fingernails being scraped down a blackboard. The last episode of this was 8 months ago (Here) and if it hasn't resolved by the end of next week, I'll make an appointment with the docs (although I don't think there's anything they can do).

Yesterday, I did a reduced gym session as I needed to get home for a delivery: 

• 10 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 7 - legs felt tired so reduced level from 8 to 7)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold. 
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 3 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 12 reps, 8kg 10 reps.
• Run/Walk treadmill 1.5km in 10:30 mins. Run 2min, Walk 1+ mins
• Basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball at a target from standing) 5kg 3 x 15 reps
• Overhead basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball, from above my head, at a target) 3kg 2x10 reps.

My right leg/ankle didn't tolerate the running very well, it seemed to go pretty numb. Right butt soreness developed by evening and is still there today, although I didn't take painkillers last night.

Finally, I can't leave without mentioning Andy Murray. What a superb semi he played and I am looking forward to the battle tomorrow. I suspect it'll be decided on one or two points and I just hope it goes Andy's way. After the years of hard work and dedication, he deserves it....C'mon Andy!

P.S. 15:45 So pleased that Marion Bartoli won the ladies' Wimbledon title. I think she's fab and was cheering her all the way! Nice one Marion.

Swim & Gym + Still Managing Lower Back

I was very pleased to manage another Tuesday swim and a gym session today. I was tired after last Friday's session but managed to get out birding on Saturday and coped well. My lower back has needed managing all week and is still tender/sore. I completed 52 lengths (1300 metres) at the pool on Tuesday and that felt soothing to my back and I recovered pretty well from it on Wednesday. I was tired yesterday and was fairly inactive. Back at the gym today:

• 8 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 7 - legs felt tired so reduced level from 8 to 7)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 5 sec hold. (only did 5 sec hold due to lower back strain. I left out the single leg glute bridges because I know they aggravate the strain)
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 10 reps, 8kg 10 reps.
• Seated rows 10 kg 2 x 10 reps, 12kg 10 reps, 14kg 5 reps (and felt my right ab give a little so stopped!); vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Trunk twist using cable weights 5.4kg 10 reps, 7.6kg 10 reps
• Rope pulsing (new exercise on new gym equipment, holding 2 heavy ropes, laid on the floor, and making them pulse) 3 sets to exhaustion.
• Basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball at a target from squat position) 4kg 10 reps, 5kg 3 x 15 reps
• Overhead basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball, from above my head, at a target) 3kg 3x10 reps (I made sure I braced my abs and didn't overextend my lower back, which is what made the lower back strain worse last week after the "plank and pull" exercise)
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 10 reps
• Lying on the floor, starting with elbows by my side, arms bent 90 degs, then pushing weight upwards against gravity, straightening the arm (modified front raise) 5kg 10 reps 

I left out the "plank and pull" exercise because I know that's where I strained my lower back last week. I made sure I kept stretching out my right neck after upper body work. 

I feel tired this afternoon but that's not unusual...

Swim & Gym + Lower back

I was worn out after last week's gym session and it basically took all weekend to recover. I felt drained and washed out. Tuesday, I was back at the pool and managed to swim 56 lengths (1400 metres). My right neck and scapular/shoulder were pretty sore/painful afterwards but settled down the following day. Both feet were locked in cramps for the last few lengths, which, in the end, is why I stopped. I had wanted to go for the 64 lengths (1 mile) but just couldn't manage it.

I recovered well on Wednesday from the swim. Then, back at the gym today. The main issue for the past 10 days has been ongoing uterine cramps. As I've mentioned before, my hormones seem to be doing weird things at the moment, including random menstrual cycles and extended menstrual symptoms like the cramps, feeling drained etc. I basically look like death warmed up 99% of the time!

Today's gym set:

• 7 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 8)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold.  
• Single leg glute bridges, 5 sec hold, 10 reps.
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 10 reps, 8kg 2x10 reps.
• Seated rows 10 kg 2 x 10 reps, 12kg 10 reps; vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Trunk twist using cable weights 5.4kg 10 reps, 7.6kg 10 reps
• Rope pulsing (new exercise on new gym equipment, holding 2 heavy ropes, laid on the floor, and making them pulse) 3 sets to exhaustion.
• Tricep extensions using cable/rope 6kg 10 reps, 8kg 10 reps
• Basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball at a target from squat position) 4kg 10 reps, 5kg 3 x 10 reps
• Plank and pull (assuming plank position on hands, then pulling a weight bag from side to side under body) 10kg 2x10 reps.
• Overhead basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball, from above my head, at a target) 3kg 3x10 reps
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 10 reps
• Russian twist sit-ups with 5kg 15 reps + sit-up then lift 5kg ball in air 10 reps.

Unfortunately, by the time I'd finished the "plank and pull" exercise (and the overhead basket ball exercise), I was aware I'd strained my lower back (aggravated the LHS lower back issues?). It's not a new injury - I've strained it there before (I recognise the pain from hockey days!). I am hoping it'll be fine by tomorrow as long as I look after it for the rest of today.

I also noted that on the other basket ball exercise (throwing from squat position), I was left with the usual LHS lower back aggravation. It's very frustrating. Anything pushing from a squat position (including rowing) seems to trigger it.

Swim & Gym

Yup, managed to kinda get back to the normal rehab routine this week, although I am not doing any daily physio at the moment. Had a good swim on Tuesday. I worked hard mentally to relax my neck/shoulders (to avoid further crick neck issues!) and to engage the correct muscles on each stroke. I was happy to do 50 lengths (1250 metres) in about 45 mins. I then did one final length of front crawl to see whether I could manage it with my left shoulder restrictions. It seemed to be ok (as long as I breathed to the left), although obviously more demanding - I was completely out of breath at the end!

Today was gym day and I did the following:

• 7 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 8)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold.  
• Single leg glute bridges, 5 sec hold, 10 reps.
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 10 reps, 8kg 10 reps.
• Seated rows 10 kg 2 x 10 reps; vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Trunk twist using cable weights 5.4kg 10 reps, 7.6kg 10 reps
• Rope pulsing (new exercise on new gym equipment, holding 2 heavy ropes, laid on the floor, and making them pulse) 3 sets to exhaustion.
• Tricep extensions using cable/rope 6kg 10 reps
• Basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball at a target from squat position) 4kg 3 x 10 reps, 5kg 2 x 10 reps
• Plank and pull (assuming plank position on hands, then pulling a weight bag from side to side under body) 5 kg, 15 reps, 10kg 15 reps.
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 2 x 10 reps
• Lying on the floor, starting with elbows by my side, arms bent 90 degs, then pushing weight upwards against gravity, straightening the arm (modified front raise) 5kg 2 x 10 reps 
• Russian twist sit-ups with 5kg 15 reps + sit-up then lift 5kg ball in air 10 reps.

The old left-hand-side lower back aggravation has returned and my hormones are all over the place. The two could be related!

I picked up my bone scan and blood test results today. All fine....as expected. 

Two Swims

10 days since my last update. Made it to the pool last Tuesday and today. Clocked up 40 lengths (1km) last week. I had to stop at that point because my right ankle and inside of my right knee were too painful, especially on breaststroke. I'm guessing it's a biomechanical issue (things just not working in sync and causing pain). I also had right scapular/mid back pain through the afternoon and the next day but it did settle. I had to miss the gym last Friday due to various annoying appointments and needing to get some computer issues resolved. Then, I was back at the pool today and was very pleased to do 50 lengths (1,250m). The right ankle and right inner knee pain weren't as bad today so I am hoping that if I just keep going, it'll resolve on its own.

Energy levels have been very up and down. I think my hormones are all over the place at the moment and it's effecting my sleeping patterns and general aches/pains. Anyway, glad to have got the swim in today.

I'll be missing the gym again on Friday as I'm away visiting family but will hopefully get back there next week.

Back at the Gym after 10 Weeks

The last 10 weeks have been hampered by injuries and niggles and commitments which required my energy. I hadn't had any right abdominal strain symptoms for a while and  the right cricked neck was a lot better although not completely gone. So, with time and space, I was able to get back to the gym yesterday. I tried not to push too hard and was pleased with what I completed:

• 5 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 8)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold.  
• Single leg glute bridges, 5 sec hold, 10 reps.
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Seated rows 10 kg 2 x 10 reps; vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Trunk twist using cable weights 5.4kg 2 x 10 reps
• Rope pulsing (new exercise on new gym equipment, holding 2 heavy ropes, laid on the floor, and making them pulse) 3 sets to exhaustion.
• Tricep extensions using cable/rope 6kg 10 reps, 8kg10 reps. 
• Basket ball exercise (throwing a weight ball at a target from squat position) 4kg 3 x 10 reps
• Plank and pull (assuming plank position on hands, then pulling a weight bag from side to side under body) 5 kg, 15 reps.
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 10 reps
• Lying on the floor, starting with elbows by my side, arms bent 90 degs, then pushing weight upwards against gravity, straightening the arm (modified front raise) 5kg 2 x 10 reps 

I felt completely wiped out yesterday afternoon. In fact, I've been extremely tired all week and not sleeping well either. I guess it's mostly due to new things happening in my life and my brain working overtime to process it all. The right crick neck isn't good after yesterday but there's not much I can do about that apart from keep trying to stretch it out. Today, I do feel a bit stiff (in a good way).....and very tired after another poor night's sleep.

I hope to get back to the pool on Tuesday and get back into the routine of Tuesday - pool, Firday - gym. We shall see....

2 Week Update

Progress in terms of rehab has been fairly non-existent. I seem to have run out of motivation for daily physio exercises. I should be following a daily routine for my left shoulder and right hip but, for now, I have come to the end of my tether on that one. I will perhaps restart it in June. Getting to the gym and/or pool has not been possible to due needing my energy for other things (like coping with DWP benefits meetings or hospital appointments). I did manage a short swim (32 lengths) on 06/05/2013 but that has been it.

I guess I might make it to the gym this Friday but, right now, I can't imagine having the energy to do it...

Neck & Tooth & Rehab on hold

Catchy title....not. I thought I had better post an update to round out the month. Ups and downs over the past 12 days or so. The compulsory group meeting at the Job Centre was somewhat disorientating. It certainly wasn't geared towards those who have degree level intelligence and/or intense motivation to get well and back to work. I guess it's a case of having to cater for all shapes and sizes, as it were. Anyway, I found the whole thing very depressing and annihilating (I had no idea how I fitted in to their perception of people or society. It was all very bizarre and like being plunged into a parallel universe that I didn't recognise). I thought I had weathered it quite well but then spent the weekend struggling with extreme anxiety, not wanting to leave the house and feeling completely drained (sleeping on both Saturday and Sunday afternoon before also sleeping through the nights). The group meeting is being followed up by the government's "Work Programme", run by private sector companies. I won't post about that on this blog but suffice to say it is effecting my life and I only hope it won't completely derail me from my goals to be fit and well.

On the Monday, I made myself go for a swim in spite of feeling anxious and drained. It is the one thing which I know reduces my anxiety levels and clears my head. I find the water soothing but, most of all, the repetitive strokes and controlled breathing are what really ground me. I only did 40 lengths (1km) but felt better for it.

After 2 physio treatments for my right cricked neck and a sport's massage of the soft tissue around the neck, it is essentially no better. On top of that, my right upper wisdom tooth has decided to come through and is catching on the back of my jaw. It is excruciatingly painful to eat and difficult to talk/laugh etc. I went to the dentist yesterday and he's put me on a 5-day course of antibiotics in the hope that it is just an infected gum (where the tooth has been rubbing). If the treatment doesn't work then the tooth will need to be removed. The antibiotics are making me sleepy/tired. And, of course, I have my bone scan this week at the hospital. All in all, physical rehab has taken a bit of a back seat at that moment and I shall be very glad when this week is over.

Right Cricked Neck & Left Shoulder Restriction Returns

It's just over a week since I swam the mile. The days following it, I was pretty tired but functioning. The main issue was the right upper/inner thigh and butt pain when walking. It persisted to the point of limiting my activities - on a number of days I had to cut short walks and go home because I could barely walk on the hip any longer, it was too painful. Surprisingly, over the past 3 days, the pain has subsided and walking has been almost pain-free. It'll be interesting to see what happens after a return to the gym or pool.

The improvement in the left shoulder, external rotation, range of movement, was short-lived. It lasted a matter of days, progressively getting worse and returning to its original restricted range. On a positive note, it does show me that the shoulder is capable of normal functioning. It's just a case of finding that nerve or muscle which obviously has some control or impingement issue.

I finally gave in and made an appointment with the private physio to sort out the right cricked neck, which I've had for 13 weeks. It's painful on rotation and tilting the head to the effected side. I kept hoping it would resolve on its own. It also meant I stayed away from the gym and was reluctant to swim because I didn't really want to reinforce the muscle/nerve dysfunction. Anyway, the physio spent a good 30 mins on it today so we'll see whether that does the trick.

No gym or pool this week. I wanted to get my neck sorted out and then I've got a compulsory meeting at the Job Centre tomorrow for an hour, followed by NHS physio for my left shoulder on Friday. Basically, I didn't want to be exhausted for the Job Centre. I know I'll be very anxious about it and need all my energy to cope.

Bone Scan letter arrived today. Booked in for first week of May. Results 2 weeks after that.

Hydrotherapy Exercises

I have been meaning to write this post for years! When I was going through the 18+ months of hydrotherapy, I knew that I really should record the exercises that I did. However, I was always so tired and it felt like too much effort to try to describe each exercise. I guess I kept hoping I'd find pictures on the net at some stage and put together what the routine consisted of. Anyway, I am obviously feeling like I need to tidy things up, and tie up lose ends, so here we are with an outline of the hydrotherapy set I did religiously, week after week, for 18 months between April 2009 until November 2010 (before progressing to the NHS rehab gym class in December 2010).

I started with the 6 sessions at the hospital pool before going on to find a public pool which was warm enough for this kind of work.

During the 6 hospital sessions, there were 4-5 patients in the pool with 2 specialist physios who directed and helped with what we did. Each week, exercises got a little bit harder and/or the number of reps were increased. I think I probably started off doing 10 reps of each exercise. By the time the 6 weeks was up, I was up to 50 reps of each exercise. I was advised to stick to the 50 reps from then onwards.

Completing all exercises, at 50 reps, took me just under an hour. I sometimes added in more walking backwards and forwards, depending on how I felt. I also wore a ladies rash vest (which is what people wear under wetsuits) over my swimming costume . It provided some vital warmth whilst standing in the water. The physios encouraged me to make sure that, at all times, I was engaging my core muscles and keeping "good form" so as to activate the right muscle/nerve systems.

From start to finish then (50 reps of each exercise):

In waist high water:

• Stand by side of pool and slowly march on the spot, bringing knees up to hip height and back down again.
• Legs slightly wider than hip-width apart, slowly lower into squat position and back up.
• Take one or two kick boards. Hold them flat on the surface of the water close to the body in front of you (water preferably lower chest height). Stand up straight, engage core and placing hands onto floats, depress them under water until arms are straight, then control them as they slowly float back up.
• Take one or two kick boards. Hold them by their sides (one hand either side). With arms straight out, lay the floats flat on the water and then slightly submerged them, then, standing up straight and firm, slowly twist your trunk from side to side, dragging the float through the water with arms outstretched (essentially a trunk twist against resistance).

The next phase was done with my feet hooked under the metal bar which ran along the side of the pool, just below water level.

• Grab two woggles. Lying on your back, hook your feet under the bar. Put one woggle under the crooks of your knees, the other under armpits. Now perform a leg-press exercises - bending your knees, pulling your bum/body towards the bar and pushing it back out again (always remembering to keep your core strong)
• In same position, lying flat on the water, with a woggle under your neck as well, perform side-slide exercises (essentially lying on your back, engaging oblique muscles to slide your hand down one side and then the alternate side).
• In same position, take a light bar, with arms held straight, lift the bar from surface of water on thighs, up over head and then back again. Keep body straight and firm (do not over arch back)

Finally it was

• Step-ups using a submerged step block or pool steps, followed by some time walking forwards and backwards through water.

Additions I added later to target shoulder muscles:

• Standing in deep water so shoulders are submerged. Arms out to side, shoulder height, and perform small circles with hands (clockwise then anticlockwise)
  
• In same position, arms out in front, shoulder height, and perform small circles with hands (clockwise and anticlockwise).

Another addition to target hip adductors and abductors

• Stand by the side of the pool and, if needed, hold on lightly to the edge for balance. Stand on one leg and move the other leg out to the side and back in (both legs kept straight). Then change legs.

It's over 2 years since I did the hydrotherapy. It was an invaluable part of my rehabilitation process. The warm water was soothing to pain and the whole thing felt calming and constructive. It never felt punishing like gym work does. I believe it's what really helped get my muscles and nerves back online and open to change and rehabilitation.

New Look

Same blog, different look! In case anyone is concerned that they've come to the wrong place, I thought it was about time to update the look of my blog. I wanted to make it easier to read and less "cluttered" looking. I hope I've achieved that. Will no doubt tweak it over the coming days...

For posterity, here's a screen shot of the "old look"

"Severe Deconditioning" before its facelift!

I Swam One Mile

Yup, hit the One Mile mark today (for personal significance see this post). 64 lengths in just under an hour. Alternating breast stroke/back stroke, stopping for a few second every 2 lengths. Annoyingly, I had some front left shoulder pain throughout and the right abdominal muscle discomfort was around. Foot cramps on length 32 and 40ish and a couple more times after that but it felt better than last week.

The right crick neck niggled but is better than it was.

It felt like an achievement but I guess I would have been happier if the abdominal muscle pain hadn't recurred along with the shoulder pain. Ah well...

Onwards....

Hip Xray Results + Sudden Left Shoulder Improvement

Ok, so I missed the gym on Friday. My muscles were still tired from the swim on Wednesday and I didn't want to aggravate the right crick neck and right hip problems any further. Today, I headed to the GP for my hip Xray results...

Basically, the joints are in good order. No signs of wear and tear. However, there is a 13mm bone lesion on the outside of the greater trochanter on the left hip. That didn't come as any great surprise as I've had intermittent, sharp pain in that region for about 5 years (although see Post Script below *). I put it down to a tendon getting inadvertently trapped or something, causing the momentary intense pain. It wasn't a constant source of discomfort and for most of the time, it doesn't hurt. But, when I do catch it, it is a 10 on the pain scale for sure! Anyway, the docs obviously want to check it out so it's a bone scan and more blood tests next. As to the far more painful and limiting right hip issues....no further forward, except that I suppose we know it isn't bone related.

On a completely different note, I suddenly realised today that my left shoulder had improved quite considerably. For years, external rotation has been very limited and painful. Today, the range of motion seems to have increased by a good 10-15 degrees! It's bonkers. For the last 4+ years, there's been no improvement in that area and then today, suddenly, it's improved. It might be down to the tennis ball, pulsing massages I've been doing on my upper spine/lower neck to try to release the right crick neck and right scapular. I have also been doing the thoracic spine stretches and the very simple NHS prescribed physio exercises. Somewhere along the line, one of those things is/has helped (along with perhaps the swimming). Long may the improvement continue and last!

* Post Script 17/04/2013. The private physio pointed out where the outer edge of the greater trochanter is and I was mistaken. I don't think I've ever had any pain there which makes it all the more likely the bone lesion is absolutely nothing to worry about - perhaps I gave the hip a good bash at some point in the past. Who knows...

60 Lengths (1500 metres) Swim + Right Hip

I tried doing some massage and manipulation with a tennis ball on the upper most part of my back on Monday. My aim was to bring some relief to the right crick neck which I've had for over 10 weeks and which is effecting my right shoulder. I woke up Tuesday morning with a noticeable improvement in symptoms. I'd say it was 50% better and I felt optimistic. I decided I'd try a swim on the Wednesday. I had been staying away from the pool, not wanting to aggravate and reinforce the muscle problems, waiting until they were sorted out or resolved until I went back. However, I was fed up with waiting.

So, Wednesday, I hit the pool. I managed 60 lengths in about 55 mins (stopping for 20 seconds or so every 2 lengths). I could have done the extra 4 lengths to make it a mile but I didn't feel like celebrating. My right crick neck felt worse and it had caused discomfort in the connections to the right scapular. Also, the upper/inner right thigh was uncomfortable and I was concerned about that. From length 40 onwards, I was battling cramp in my feet, swimming a number of lengths with my feet/toes locked into a solid/cramped position. They've felt rather stiff and crampy today, unsurprisingly!

All in all, I was very pleased to hit the 60 length mark and I didn't feel too "hung over" with exhaustion this morning (although I did feel tired this afternoon and was happy to have a quiet one in front of the telly). The right upper/inner thigh discomfort has continued and is painful when walking on it (connected to the right hip problems). Interestingly, I had a phone call from the GP surgery yesterday, asking me to make an appointment with my GP to discuss my hip Xray. I'm guessing that means they've found something otherwise surely they'd just say it was clear. As you can imagine, all sorts of things have gone through my head. On the one hand, I'd like them to find the problem and fix it! On the other hand, I'm hoping the haven't found some other problems, totally unrelated to the hip, which I wasn't even aware of! I will find out on Monday morning....

So, tired today, generally, and the right hip/upper/inner thigh has been painful. Both shoulders/neck are twingey/needing treatment. The second phase of the shoulder physio is uncomfortable. Plus, I'm not sure the right abdominal problem is completely healed up - it did feel slighting twingey today.

Roll on some warmer weather!

Coldest Easter on Record + Update

Ok, it's been just over 2 weeks since I checked in here. Most of that was spent doing the daily shoulder and hip physio and staying away from the pool/gym. I had my second NHS physio appt for my left shoulder. I tentatively asked her if she wouldn't mind working on my right crick neck as I'd had it for 10 weeks. Thankfully, she agreed to that. Some minor improvement but it's basically still painful and restricted. In terms of what she did for my shoulder...she checked the two main ranges of motion (bringing arms out to the side, up above head; bringing arms out in front, up above head) and did 6 quick releases on my thoracic spine. I came away feeling thoroughly depressed - no idea how any of that is going to help with the external rotation restriction and armpit impingement. Very disappointing. In the 15 minutes I was with her, she did more work on my neck than my shoulder.

I've also had the xray on my right hip and will get the results later this week. I finally went to have my "fasting" blood tests last week, checking for various things which will no doubt all come back fine. I am expecting the xray to come back fine too. I think the issue is neuromuscular rather than to do with bone abnormalities.

I did go to the gym on Monday 25th basically to have a good walk on the treadmill. The weather has been freezing cold and I couldn't face a long walk in the strong NE winds. Whilst there, I took the opportunity to try some loaded trunk twists and coped well (10 reps 1.1kg; 2 x 10 reps 3.4kg). The main issue seems to be the mid/right back rather than the right abdomen.

To top off a freezing cold March, we then had the coldest Easter on record. It doesn't look like it's going to warm up any time soon. I am fed up with being cold!

Tweaked My Bad Right Hip

On Friday, I was crouching down to take a photograph and felt an intensely painful 'pulling' down the inside of my inner right thigh, deep in the leg. I 'ignored' it and carried on. Crouched again and went to walk sideways in that crouched/squat position and found it was excruciatingly painful. In trying to stand up, I felt intense pain through the hip and down my inner thigh. I could barely move the hip without inducing pain. I realised that as long as I kept my movements simple and slow, I could walk back to the car. It didn't cause pain to put weight through the hip, it was only if I moved it in a certain way. Anyway, got back to the car, carefully put my right leg into the car and drove home. Once home, it took a great deal of careful manoeuvring to get my right leg out of the car without inducing excruciating pain.

The problem through the hip is still there today. I have to be extremely careful not to catch it in a certain way. I had dreams last night in which I had an injured/useless foot. I was screaming in agony and begging someone to amputate it because I knew (in the dream) I could then get a new one put on(!). In the dream I was desperate to get rid of the disabling foot and get on with my life. I couldn't stand it any more. And, that's kinda how I feel. I am so fed up with this hip problem. I want to be free of it! I went to the private physiotherapist at the beginning of August last year because I was fed up with the hip. It's now nearly 8 months later and still no improvement or diagnosis. Meanwhile, my life slips on by...

If the hip still has the same problems on Monday, I will arrange another physio appointment and see if we can get to the bottom of what's going on.

No gym session today because of the numerous and various niggles and injuries. Essentially, everything down my right side is problematic: right crick neck (9 weeks and counting!), right rotator cuff muscle problems, right abdominal/mid back problems and right hip problems. No point in going to the gym if I can't actually do anything!

Flipping fed up.

58 lengths (1,450 metres) Swim

Up and down over the past few days. I was incredibly stiff (in a good way!) after the gym session on Saturday. It felt very satisfying to have worked my muscles hard and to think that they were developing as a result. I am actually still a bit stiff today in some muscles (4 days later!).

Unfortunately, the right crick neck which I've had since the middle of January is still there and still a problem. The right abdominal muscle discomfort is still a problem. And then there's all the usual, chronic issues...left shoulder, right shoulder and right hip. Last night I was awake until 3am worrying and stressing and obsessing about everything. I could not switch my mind off trying to find a solution to these ongoing problems. I am fed up of the pain and restriction they cause. I'm fed up of no-one knowing how to make them better. I am fed up of being in pain! Last night, it all felt pretty intolerable.

Today, was swim day. I wasn't sure how my body would cope. I've got an issue with the right rotator cuff and I wasn't sure how painful my abdominal muscles would be. Anyway, I set about doing my lengths (alternating breast stroke/back stroke, stopping every 2 lengths for up to 30 or so seconds). The first 15-20 are always the hardest. It takes me a while to get into a rhythm. The right rotator cuff muscle was sore throughout but tolerable. Everything else seemed to cope. I pushed for 32 lengths...then 40...then 50...and then I thought I'd try for my ultimate goal which is to swim 1 mile (64 lengths). I got to length 58 and could feel my legs were cramping quite badly. I had to call it a day. However, by that point, my strength and energy levels were still good. I still had decent stroke form and power (unlike the early days when I would be totally spent and ragged by the end). All in all, I was very pleased. The crick neck was still 'there' and painful and the right rotator cuff muscle/tendon still sore but, hey, I'd swum for a good 50 minutes and survived! The only fly in the ointment was my new swimming costume...

I had finally gotten around to ordering a new costume online (my old one is on its last legs). It arrived this morning and, although I do say so myself, looked really good on, lol. Half way through my swim, I was aware of growing soreness under my arms. Basically, the new costume chafes so badly that it's left two welts of raw skin, one in each armpit. I hadn't realised how bad they were until I was showering and put soap on them. I nearly jumped through the roof with agony! I won't be wearing that costume again!

I've probably written this before but I'll write it again...

Going back 4 years ago, I couldn't swim a length. My joints were too weak and unstable. I was incredibly weak overall. I would go to the pool and do my hour of hydrotherapy exercises whilst, in the swimming lanes, a lady about my age, would swim her 64 lengths. At that stage, I couldn't imagine how it was possible to swim that far! I couldn't imagine what it felt like to be able to do it. Ever since, it's been an unspoken hope that one day, I might be able to swim 1 mile, 64 lengths. My strength and stamina are improving. I do believe now that I will get to the 1 mile mark. I just wish the athletic achievement was accompanied by the healing of my left shoulder and right hip in particular. It feels ridiculous that I have the potential to swim 1 mile pain-free but can barely walk the same distance without significant pain through my hip.

I suspect the next few weeks will be more of the up and down feelings. I am going to try to dedicate 6 weeks to the rehabilitation of my abdominal muscles. It's basically a progressive loading programme and stretching to try to get the muscles back to full power and length. I'm not sure if it'll involve resisting the pool and gym....we'll see. Anyway, if that goes badly, I am going to be seriously demoralised!! I cannot bear the thought of acquiring another chronic issue without a solution!

So, ABDOMINAL DAILY REHAB (WEEK 1)

• Standing Trunk Twists (unloaded) 2 x 10 reps

• Lying on my back, arms outstretched on floor and rolling knees from side to side (basically a trunk twist on the floor) 10 reps

• Half-level crunches (i.e. only bringing shoulders up half way rather than whole way) 10 reps

The idea is to do those exercises until they fail to produce pain and then increase the difficulty. We shall see....

New Gym Equipment + 2km Run/Walk

My local gym has just completed an upgrade to the facilities, opening a whole new room filled with various machines and equipment. Included in the new set up is what looks like something you'd find in the monkey enclosure of a zoo! A series of frames with ropes and shelves and articulated weights and all sorts of things attached to it. Gym users have all been told they can have 30 mins free tuition on this new style of equipment. So, that's what I did this morning.

The session started at 10am and we were carefully shown around the various bits and pieces, and given a chance to try them out. I was surprised by a) how strong I was on some and b) how weak I was on others. It really showed up the areas of the body that need work. It was refreshing and fun to try something new and I didn't try to opt out in order to protect my abdominal muscles. I'll see how they are later today...

The intro session lasted about 40 mins and I stayed to do some sets on the new stuff. I then decided I'd try a bit of running to see how my right hip coped. I did 2km run/walk in 14:30. It felt soooo good! I absolutely love sport. If I could spend my days doing sport, I would. I find it so satisfying and grounding and empowering. Anyway, the run felt a lot easier on my legs than it did when I last did a 2km run/walk last August (7 months ago! Here). The respiration rate of my muscles is much better so it feels easier. As for my right hip, I was aware of it but had no sharp pain in my butt or upper/inner thigh on foot strike or anything. I shall wait and see if pain develops through the afternoon as that was the norm. I suspect I worked my right abdominal muscles too hard but, again, I'll see how they recover. I am more determined than ever to get strong and fit, however long it takes. I am a sportswoman at heart.

Post Script: 16:10
Right butt increasingly painful/sore through afternoon. Painful to sit on. Not sure if there has been any improvement or not in the last 7 months in terms of the pain. Disappointing...

Post Script Two: Sunday 16:30
Long sleep last night - absolutely worn out from the gym work. Lots of good stiff muscles today (upper back/shoulders, arms, some right abdominal discomfort but not sure if it's injury or stiffness (will see in the next few days), upper/inner thighs and calves).

Physiotherapies (Shoulder, Hip & Abs!)

Quick update....
Had a quiet weekend after last Friday's gym session. I was fairly tired.

Monday was my first appointment with the NHS Physio for my bad left shoulder. I basically came home and sobbed afterwards. I was very disappointed with the level of care and understanding.

Did a lot of walking on Tuesday, which caused bad right butt/hip pain, aching left shoulder and, eventually, aching lower back! Disappointing really.

Wednesday, went to the pool in the hope of soothing away some of the aches and clearing my head of the worries/upset. The swim helped. I lost count of the lengths but I did about 32 (0.5 miles). Right rotator cuff has been sore ever since and the right crick neck I've had for 8 weeks continues.

Today (Friday), went back to the private physio for help with everything! He was great. Gave me nearly 1.5 hours of his time (charging me only for the hour) to deal with both shoulders, my neck, right abdominals and right hip.

THE PLAN

• LEFT SHOULDER: continue with physio exercises prescribed by NHS and see where that takes me. Think again in 6 weeks.
• Neck stretch 3 x per day
• Eccentric Serratus Anterior exercise - lie on back, left arm straight up in air, lift with right hand then let go and allow serratus muscle to take shoulder back to retracted state. 2 x 10 reps
• Thoracic extension exercise 2 x 5 reps
• Pec stretch exercise 3 times

• RIGHT SHOULDER: infraspinatus weakness - so - include exercise to reactivate/improve that (2 x 10 reps daily)

• RIGHT ABDOMINALS: physio thinks I probably caused a small tear in the oblique muscles and the scar tissue is weak/sore. It's a case of breaking down the tissues and rebuilding. So, starting with zero-load trunk twists and gradually increasing weight every 2 weeks.

• RIGHT HIP: strength has improved (single leg glute bridges good now). He's going to write to my GP to get an xray done to rule out any abnormalities and take it from there.

So, I am back up to 1 hour of physio exercises a day for the right hip and left shoulder/neck. I guess I can tolerate it better these days but I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to a life that doesn't include daily physio!

...I think that was what the sobbing was about on Monday. I am into year 5 of this rehab and it is flipping hard to keep at everything on my own day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. To be sent away with yet another set of painful exercises was the last straw. I needed some support, some help; someone else to work on my body other than me; someone else to massage the sore muscles or stretch them out or mobilise them or whatever. Just once, I wanted someone else to help with the hard work!! The fact that the physio did nothing but assess me (no treatment etc) and send me away to further pain was more than I could cope with at that point. I wanted help!

Positive Shift & Back at the Gym

Just back from the gym and feeling kinda tired today but yesterday was a different story.

It's felt like a really positive week. After the 50 length swim on Tuesday, I recovered well and didn't feel too tired on Wednesday. I was very surprised and extremely pleased. Yesterday, I thought I'd see how I'd cope with a longer drive to see some birds. It was an hour away and cold weather but I managed really well and, at one point, was flooded with a sudden feeling of freedom. It's an experience I've not really had before. I was struck with the reality that I was an hour away from home, I was enjoying the birds and I wasn't aching to leave or drained or struggling to cope. I felt free to be there. I felt like I'd escaped a 'prison' for the day although that's not consciously how I experience my home!

I guess my life shrank dramatically when I became so ill. For 8 years I was barely able to cope with the simple things of life. I couldn't travel far. Then for the last 4 years, it's been hard work to try to rebuild all my muscles and stamina and manage the ongoing injuries and limitations. In every way, I've felt restricted. Yesterday, I felt like I was breaking free. Life was suddenly opening up a little for me. My choices are widening. I could breath and see beyond my living room! It felt fantastic and I hope those experiences increase in frequency now.

Back to today. I woke up tired....which isn't surprising really. I didn't sleep well and yesterday I was out in the cold for a long time.

I tried to do a normal gym set today but also take care of my abdominal muscles. I'm not sure I achieved the latter.

• 5 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 8)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold. 
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps 
• Full Press-ups with hands placed on raised step block 2 x 4 reps (very hard!)
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 12 reps, 8kg 2 x 10 reps
• Seated rows 10 kg 10 reps; 12kg 2 x 10 reps; vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Wobble board 4 mins.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Trunk twist using cable weights 4kg 10 reps (first time reintroducing this exercise after ab strain)
• Metal bar rotation 2 x 10 reps (new exercise basically lifting a metal bar either side of body - base of bar is attached to floor and articulated)
• Tricep extensions using cable/rope 6kg 10 reps, 8kg10 reps. 
• Combo exercise, pulling cable weight from floor, across body, stretching up to other side 6kg 10 reps.(reintroduced exercise after ab strain)
• 5 mins on treadmill - just wanted to see if right hip could cope. Ran about 2 mins.
•  Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 10 reps
• Lying on the floor, starting with elbows by my side, arms bent 90 degs, then pushing weight upwards against gravity, straightening the arm (modified front raise) 5kg 2 x 10 reps

50 Lengths (1km 250metres)

Back at the pool today after a weekend away (and off rehab). Really didn't want to get out of bed this morning and the first 10-20 lengths were hard-going - mentally, I wasn't 'up for it'. However, I pushed on and when I reach 40 lengths I felt like I could try for a bit more. It did cross my mind to try for 64 lengths, which is 1 mile, but by the time I reached 50, I could feel various muscles beginning to cramp so I called it a day.

The right crick neck is still a problem. Right scapular/shoulder is still achy/problematic. The right abdominal muscles aren't fully fit and there's the usual right upper thigh/groin tightness/discomfort. Hopefully, I haven't made anything worse, which is the main thing.

I plan on getting back to the gym on Friday after missing the last 2 weeks.

Right Ab, Stresses and 1km Swim

11 days since I last posted. On the Sunday after the last gym session, the weather was awful and I didn't want to be stuck inside doing nothing all day. So, I thought I'd try a swim. It wasn't the best decision. The right abdominal muscle strain was already aggravated and I'd mildly strained my right shoulder (front deltoid and mid back muscle, next to the scapular)....not surprisingly, those injuries didn't like the extra effort. I swam 24 lengths with a view to doing another 40 on the Tuesday thus swimming a mile over the course of the week. It sounded like a great plan but didn't happen. I had to take the whole of last week off rehab work to allow things to heal up.

Last week was also one filled with stress (due to trying to figure out the new benefits system and where I had been placed within it). I won't go into details but suffice to say I didn't get a lot of sleep and was terrified I'd be back on high doses of antidepressants and sleeping tablets etc etc with a severe relapse to follow. Thankfully, I finally worked out I wasn't going to be destitute and the stress subsided. However, it seemed to result in a return of numerous muscular aches and pains so I was back to taking painkillers to be able to try to get some sleep.

Ok....a new week this week and I was back at the pool today. Again, I'm not sure it was the most sensible idea but it is very hard to keep not doing things. I swam 40 lengths (1km). In terms of energy, it felt fine. In terms of muscular aches/pains/strains, it really wasn't good. I've had an ongoing problem with a crick in the right of my neck (for 5 weeks or so) and once I got swimming my neck really seemed to start hurting. The right shoulder was twingey; the right abs were twingey; the right upper thigh/groin was twingey....and so it goes on. It would probably be easier to list what didn't hurt! When I came to walking out of the changing room, putting weight through my right hip was very painful. It hurt all around the top of my leg, which it's never done before.

It's so frustrating. I feel like I have the energy to do these things but my muscles etc just don't seem to cope. I am so fed up with holding back, never being able to give myself the freedom to just do these things and "go for it". Always at the back of my mind is a concern about which muscle I'll injure this time or whether I'm putting too much stress on existing weaknesses. It drives me absolutely nuts. Basically, I am constantly disempowering myself, if that is even a word. I can never just embrace my strength and exert it. I am always holding back. One of these days, I want to run flat out, I want to swim full pelt, I want to push to my limits and feel my own strength.

....I won't make it to the gym this Friday due to visiting family. It's probably a good thing.

Antibiotics, Right Ab, 1km Swim

Finally went to the docs on Monday about the ongoing sinus congestion and various other symptoms. Got started on the antibiotics (Doxycycline) for the sinuses and will finish them this Sunday. They seem to make me very sleepy/tired so I'm tending to take them at lunchtime so I at least get the morning when I don't feel hungover! Once I've finished that stuff, I'll get to the hospital for a barrage of blood tests for thyroid, hormones, cholesterol, liver etc etc.

Tuesday was my usual pool day. I felt good and went for the 40 lengths, 1km (35 mins). I wasn't aware of any particular right abdominal pain during my swim but once showered/changed it recurred (grrrr!). However, I felt really pleased with the swim and didn't feel utterly drained the following day.

Today, back at the gym:

• 15 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 8)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold. 
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 10 reps 
• Full Press-ups with hands placed on raised step block 2 x 5 reps (very hard!)
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 2 x 12 reps, 8kg 2 x 10 reps
• Seated rows 10 kg 10 reps; 12kg 2 x 10 reps; vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Wobble board 4 mins, 5 squats.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 3 x 10 reps.
• Ab Crunches 2 x 10 reps
• Medicine ball Russian twist exercise (5kg) 2 x 10 reps
• Tricep extensions using cable/rope 8kg 2x10 reps.
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 2 x 10 reps
• Lying on the floor, starting with elbows by my side, arms bent 90 degs, then pushing weight upwards against gravity, straightening the arm (modified front raise) 5kg 2 x 10 reps 

The right abdominal/mid back discomfort is still there. I don't particularly feel it when doing exercises - I'm just aware of the discomfort afterwards. Having said that, the seated rows do put pressure on it so I'm very careful then. Who knows what the injury is....!?

I am trying to work up to being able to do full press-ups. I can now do the knee press-ups easily. I've progressed to placing my hands on the raised step block and doing a full press-up but I can only manage 3 good ones and 2 'ok' ones before my muscles fail. I guess it'll improve.

This afternoon, I postponed taking my antibiotics until teatime (4pm) so that I could get out birding after lunch. Thoroughly enjoyed that and didn't feel too drained from the gym (tired but ok). If only I could get rid of the right ab, right hip and left shoulder problems, I'd be away....!!!

Right Ab, Sinuses, Ploughing On

I've kinda just pushed through it this week. My sinuses are still blocked and generally making me feel headachy and tired. The right abdominal/mid back issues are still going on. However, I made it to the pool on Tuesday. Did my 32 lengths (0.5 miles) in about 25 mins and then headed to the gym today. I was pretty tired out through Wednesday and Thursday.

Today's gym set:

• 15 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 8)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold. 
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 2 x 12 reps, 8kg 2 x 10 reps
• 10 single leg glute bridges (each leg), 5 sec hold each. 
• Seated rows 10 kg 10 reps; 12kg 2 x 10 reps; vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 3 x 10 reps.
• Ab Crunches 2 x 10 reps
• Medicine ball Russian twist exercise (5kg) 2 x 10 reps
• Tricep extensions using cable/rope 8kg 2x10 reps.
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 2 x 10 reps
• Lying on the floor, starting with elbows by my side, arms bent 90 degs, then pushing weight upwards against gravity, straightening the arm (modified front raise) 5kg 2 x 10 reps 
• Bicep curls 5kg 10 reps
• Plank 1 mins 

The swimming and gym work aggravates the right abdominal pain but no idea how to resolve it or what will make it better. I guess I'm working on the basis that if I just keep ploughing on, it'll eventually resolve itself.

I'm keeping up with the daily right hip physio exercises. I can't be certain yet whether they are helping but I will give them until the end of February and then reassess everything. If this right ab problem is still around then I will definitely be heading back to the physiotherapist for help.

I have been waiting for a referral to NHS physiotherapy for my left shoulder. I rang the hospital this week only to discover the referral had been "lost in the post". I rang my GP surgery and they have now sorted it out but who knows when that treatment will come through. Everything takes so flipping long! This is my life we're talking about. The longer I have to wait for treatment, the longer my life remains partially on hold. 

Generally feeling pretty down. Fed up with managing muscular injuries and pain and not knowing how or what will make them better. Fed up with the sinus infection which has now lasted for 5 weeks. Fed up with feeling crap from the sinus infection. Fed up with social isolation. To top it all, my tumble drying neighbours got back from a 2 week holiday last night. I was woken this morning at 8:30am by the tumble drier and I expect it will now be on all day and all weekend. So far, it's been on 8:30-10:30 (when I went out), then on 5 minutes after I got home at 12:30 until now (13:30ish) and still going. I don't suppose it'll be off now until about 11pm tonight. It'll no doubt wake me up again tomorrow. It drives me absolutely nuts. Shatters all the peace and quiet in my own home and makes me want to run a mile to get away from it!

Right Abdominals & Lingering Cold

Heavy snow at the end of last week meant that I did my Friday gym session at home. I've got enough equipment to improvise most things and it went well. I'm still managing the right abdominal muscle strain problem and also a cold which I've now had for 4 weeks.

By Tuesday, I couldn't bare to be stuck in my house any longer and carefully made my way through the snow/ice to the pool. I swam 32 lengths (0.5 miles) and it felt really good. The right abdominal pain was aggravated but I didn't need to take painkillers at night for the right butt/hip or ab pain, which was encouraging.

Today, I made it to the gym (and thankfully they had Andy Murray's Australian Open semi-final on the TVs so I could keep an eye on that whilst pumping iron....Go Andy!). Throughout, I was monitoring and managing the right abdominal pain. I modified the workout as I went along (basically not doing the trunk twist with cable weights which is how I got the injury). I really can't work out where the pain is originating. I can't decide if it is mid-back pain (i.e. an irritated facet joint or something) referring to the right abdomen or genuinely an abdominal muscle strain.

Today's gym set:

• 10 mins exercise bike (difficulty level 8)
• Hip/lower back stretches
• Glute bridges (10 secs hold) 3 reps then quad stretches
• Glute bridges 10kg dumbbell across hips 10 reps, 10 sec hold. 
• Press ups-plus (at 45 deg angle) 2 x 10 reps. 
• Press-ups on floor (knees on floor) 2 x 10 reps
• Right Hip adduction and extension using cable weights 6kg 2 x 12 reps, 8kg 2 x 10 reps
• 10 single leg glute bridges (each leg), 5 sec hold each. 
• Seated rows 8 kg 12 reps; 10 kg 2x10 reps; vertical flies 4kg 2 x 10 reps.
• Chest fly with cable weights 4kg 3 x 10 reps.
• Wobble board 4 mins, 2 squats.
• Ab Crunches 2 x 10 reps
• Medicine ball Russian twist exercise (5kg) 2 x 10 reps
• Tricep extensions using cable/rope 8kg 2x10 reps.
• Combo lateral/front shoulder raises whilst sitting on exercise ball 3kg 2 x 10 reps
• Lying on the floor, starting with elbows by my side, arms bent 90 degs, then pushing weight upwards against gravity, straightening the arm (modified front raise) 5kg 2 x 10 reps 
• Plank 35 secs

Sleep still isn't great. Last night, I didn't get to sleep until 2am and woke at 8am. I think the problem is isolation. On days where I don't see or speak to anyone, my brain feels like it's left with too much unprocessed information and I'm wide awake into the early hours. Also, relating is a good way of wearing my brain out and inducing sleep, which is something I'm not getting. My life needs people in it but how on earth to achieve that is beyond me.

I'm keeping up with the right hip daily physio exercises - I really want this to work!