Swim-Gym-Swim & DWP

I tried something new this week. After last Friday's swim, I felt I recovered pretty well and was surprised to be able to manage a good 3 mile walk on the Sunday morning, followed by another late afternoon. I was basically trying to wear myself out so I'd sleep but the fact that I could manage it felt fantastic. Of course, the glorious weather helped (and it could well have been some kind of temporary 'high' related to the Trazadone withdrawal). So, my plan was swim-Friday, gym-Tuesday, swim-Friday.

Tuesday, I hit the gym with the main intention to focus on my upper body (I'd done enough walking for my lower body). I did my usual weights routine but upped the number of sets by 1 or 2. I also did do a couple of sets of leg-press and leg-extensions. At the end, I went on the treadmill but quickly realised my legs had turned to lead - the nerves were fatigued and there was no way the muscles, esp below the knee, were going to work properly. At that point, I called it a day.

I had the usual right hip/butt/groin pain following the gym. It felt worse than normal, which was disappointing. I was hoping for improvements but it seems that using the leg-press and leg-extension machines aggravates the problem in just the same way as it used to. I also felt pretty worn out on Wednesday and Thursday.

Finally, I hit the pool again on Friday and swam 32 lengths (0.5 miles). It actually felt easier than last week although from length 20 onwards I was getting cramp in both feet (fatigued nerves again). I came out of the pool, showered, changed and actually felt good. It was a positive experience. It was also the last time I'll be able to use that pool. It's a members only, 'posh' fitness club, which at one point offered non-members the opportunity to buy 4 visits for £30. I used my last one yesterday and they've stopped doing the offer. There's no way I can justify, let alone afford, membership.

This morning, I feel tired but ok. I suspect it'll be a telly day, recovering.

Other stuff this week.....I have arranged a physio appointment for Monday 6th at a local physio centre, for my right hip. I need some help with it.

...and....the letter I have been dreading for months and months finally arrived from the DWP on Thursday. They are reassessing everyone on disability benefits to transfer them onto this new employment and support allowance (ESA) benefit. Everyone goes through the "work capability assessment" (WCA) process, starting with a questionnaire, followed up with a medical assessment. The horror stories for those with mental health issues or conditions such as ME/CFS are numerous. In essence, the WCA doesn't sufficiently assess conditions which fluctuate or have a mental health element. People who have been struggling to recover find themselves having benefits withdrawn and their fragile mental health shattered once again. This post on the MIND website sums it up well: Link

Finally, a word on the Trazadone withdrawal. I have now done 9 nights without it. The first 4-5 nights weren't pleasant at all due to the hypnic jerks and my brain having no capacity to seemingly switch off. I wasn't getting to sleep until about 2am and then sleeping very badly for perhaps 4 hours at most. The last 4-5 nights have been better although still not great. After 12 years of having sleep-inducing medication, it seems like my brain is going to have to relearn the sleeping process. It is taking hours to get off to sleep and then I'm waking fairly regularly through the night. I seem to be getting the best sleep as we head into the morning. Today, I allowed myself to sleep until 10am. I can't work out yet whether I feel better during the day for having come off the meds.....we shall see. If there's no real day-time improvement and my brain fails to learn to sleep again, then I may end up just going back on the meds. I'll maybe give it a good 6 months and then re-assess.