After 5 years, it seems like the right time to bring this blog to a close. It’s been a useful companion and, at times, it’s given me hope that at least one person might be cheering me on from the sidelines as they read about my endeavours.
This year has seen my concentrated physical rehab efforts slowly diverted into new avenues. The first 4 months of the year were hampered by a chronic right cricked neck, which just would not resolve. I stuck to the swimming, avoided the gym and eventually got some private physio and massage. It did finally settle down through May and June, so that I was able to restart the gym work. Over the summer, I had another inner ear episode and developed a mild low frequency hearing loss in my left ear. However, I kept up the swimming and gym work. The local orthopaedic consultant informed me that he hadn’t got a clue what was wrong with my chronically painful right hip and had no (useful) suggestions that might help or offers of further investigations. That meant I had to once again find my own solutions and Pilates seemed like a good idea. I hoped it might also help with my chronically restricted/painful left shoulder (which had also been written off by the NHS [aka No Help Sorry]).
Mid August, I started a weekly equipment Pilates class. I found that I couldn’t manage the gym work as well and, since a more severe inner ear episode in early October, I’ve not had the energy/opportunity to get to the pool. However, I do want to keep up the swimming alongside the Pilates and have every intention of making that happen.
At the end of September, I started one afternoon (2hrs) a week of voluntary work at a charity, which manages local land and wildlife. I am hoping this new opportunity will add another element of rehabilitation, giving me a chance to be with people, contribute and feel useful.
As we head towards December and the end of the year, I suppose I should reflect on what progress has been made in the past 5 years. To be brutally honest, I feel as though I’ve gained only about 20% of the rewards due for my efforts. I don’t feel big and strong and athletic. I still can’t run (or even walk!) without bad right hip pain. I still can’t do a standard press-up. I still get tired pretty easily. In theory, I should have put on a lot of muscle and I should have gained a great deal of cardiovascular fitness. I haven’t enjoyed either of those to anywhere near the degree I would have liked. But, my quality of life has improved. I don’t have to guard my resources like my existence depended on it, literally. There is a degree of flexibility in my life now, which I couldn’t accommodate before because doing so would wipe me out for weeks at a time. I can go out for a walk and if something else comes up later in the day, I will likely have the energy to do it. That wouldn’t have happened 5 years ago.
Perhaps it’s all about perspective. Take your average, fit, healthy person and put them through the physical rehab I’ve done and they’d excel. But, I wasn’t your average, fit, healthy person. I was, as the title says, severely deconditioned, and possess a nervous system recovering from complex PTSD. I couldn’t hang up washing or lean over to clean my teeth without pulling a muscle! Nearly every physical exertion ended up in injury. So, I guess the past 5 years have been about regaining ground I lost in the previous 8 years. And, the job isn’t finished yet. I suppose that if I continue being relatively active, my soft tissue biology will continue to adapt and improve and progress towards fitness. My frazzled nervous system too will hopefully find peace. So, one day, in the not too distant future, I may well feel much more like that big, strong, athletic person I want to be. Who knows....I reckon there’s always hope. If a British man can win Wimbledon (my man Andy!), then anything is possible (thanks Andy for being a genuine inspiration).
Finally, a big thank you to anyone who read this blog and was cheering me on from the sidelines. Who knows what the future holds but let’s hope it is continued improvement.
Au revoir!
P.S. I couldn’t bring myself to entitle this entry “Final Blog Post” - I had to leave the door open....just in case :-)
